You Do Not Want to Be a Millionaire

Do not call that 800 number. The Who Wants To Be a Millionaire people are tempting you--with their money, their fame and the opportunity to sit in a small room with Regis Philbin. Do not be fooled, no matter how good a living-room contestant you are. What they are really offering is humiliation, panic and a dose of self-realization you just don't need.

I know, because four years ago I got one of the highest scores in the country on a phone test for an MTV game show called Idiot Savants. A few weeks later, I found myself quarantined in...

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