Stick of Joe

As a non-coffee drinker, I often feel shunned, especially at social events like "coffee breaks," "going out for coffee" or "drinking coffee." So when the government decided to spend $250,000 on caffeinated-gum research, I was thrilled. Instead of money wasted on defense (Hello? We haven't been invaded since 1812) or that unfinished FICA project I keep reading about on my pay stub, this would help someone with a real problem. Soon I too could awake groggy and cranky, pull out a couple of sticks of gum, read the paper and then deal with the wife and kids. As I saw it,...

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