CINEMA: IT LAVAS L.A.

IN VOLCANO, THE COAST IS TOAST--WITH HOT JELLY

Just one more reason not to live in Los Angeles. It seems there's an active volcano under Wilshire Boulevard, and is it steamed! It blows spitballs of lava up through manhole covers. It sends fire chunks into the sky, as if in a malefic Disney World spectacle, and has them land on prime Beverly Hills real estate. It not only exhales scalding air, it also sucks it back in. This monster, writhing undead in its coffin, has a personality. It even growls, basso profundo; imagine Barry White slowly murmuring "Booo!"

We're pretty sure that Nostradamus predicted a premillennial Hollywood plague of...

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