Possession and distribution of Midol will get you four months, with over three months off for good behavior and enrollment in a drug-rehab program. Advil in your backpack will get you a one-day suspension. Kiss a girl and make her cry? In North Carolina that's punishable by detention and missing an ice-cream party; in New York City, by a five-day suspension.

Have the nation's teachers lost their minds? The spate of news stories would have you think so. Maybe Bob Dole was on to something when he blamed the people who mind our ABCs for everything that's wrong in the schools....

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