WHY EMPEROR BILL SHOULD RULE

My computer doesn't work. If you own a computer, I'm sure this admission doesn't surprise you. This morning, for instance, I powered up my new, $3,000 machine, hoping to check my E-mail. I launched (an optimistic verb) a communications program, and double-clicked an on-screen button.

The button refused to respond. I couldn't get my E-mail. When my computer doesn't work, I engage in a few modern rituals. I turn it off, then on again -- the equivalent of throwing a cup of cold water in its face. Or I try starting it while holding down the shift key; that secret handshake...

Want the full story?

Subscribe Now

Subscribe
Subscribe

Get TIME the way you want it

  • One Week Digital Pass — $4.99
  • Monthly Pay-As-You-Go DIGITAL ACCESS$2.99
  • One Year ALL ACCESSJust $30!   Best Deal!
    Print Magazine + Digital Edition + Subscriber-only Content on TIME.com

Learn more about the benefits of being a TIME subscriber

If you are already a subscriber sign up — registration is free!