CINEMA: East Of Eden, South of Canada

Legends of the Fall is a silly melodrama trying to be an epic

LEGENDS OF THE FALL TEACHES US an important lesson: do not impose a mythically resonant name on a child. The responsibility is likely to make him surly, if not downright bloodthirsty. And his tormented thrashings are likely to bring misery, if not downright death, to all who -- mysteriously -- love him.

Old Colonel Ludlow (Anthony Hopkins) and the wife who has very sensibly left him named their firstborn Alfred and their last born Samuel, and both are pretty normal, boring American boys -- the former (Aidan Quinn) perhaps a little too priggish and self-serving, the latter (Henry Thomas) perhaps a...

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