General Patton, Sit Down and Shut Up!

O.K., let's get this sorry mess sorted out before the Final Four. First thing, coaches. College basketball coaches are braying asses. They are, in addition, paunchy, hairy-eared gasbags. They are nearly as loathsome as George Steinbrenner, the swollen ego sac recently reinstated as New York Yankees owner. (How about a trade, Steinbrenner for Cincinnati Reds owner Marge Schott and a psychiatrist to be named?) But you can watch an entire Yankees baseball game at the ball park or on the tube without having to see Steinbrenner.

If you like basketball, however, you need the reflexes of a snake to turn your...

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