What If Scarlett Sequel Fever Caught On?

THE SUN ALSO SETS

Jake Barnes, the emasculated expatriate hero of Ernest Hemingway's classic, is the beneficiary of a breakthrough operation in the romantic world of Paris in the '20s. With the help of supplemental hormones, Jacqueline Barnes goes on to become a suffragist and campaigner against alcoholism.

THE NEXT TO THE LAST OF THE MOHICANS

In this politically correct prequel, Hawkeye displays the Eurocentric tendencies to hunt and waste. Local Native Americans lecture him on ageism, gender bias, affirmative action and ecological consciousness until he has a nervous collapse, jettisons his rifle and opens a frontier health-food store.

MOBY-DICK II

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