Of Cows, Scuds and Scotch: P. J. O'ROURKE

Just why did P. J. O'ROURKE, one of America's funniest writers, go to the Persian Gulf? And who let him come home?

No wonder P.J. O'Rourke loves being a writer. He can sleep late. There's no heavy lifting. And, unlike being a shortstop, he quips, writing is a lifelong occupation. Still, he never imagined he would have to play Cupid to a cow.

But George, his neighbor in New Hampshire, needed some help getting his heifer in the family way. So, while O'Rourke grabbed the cow's head and George hugged the middle, a farmer named Pete proceeded with the artificial insemination at the far end. Though he missed most of the intimate details, O'Rourke recalls one thing: "I will never forget the look...

Want the full story?

Subscribe Now


Get TIME the way you want it

  • One Week Digital Pass — $4.99
  • Monthly Pay-As-You-Go DIGITAL ACCESS$2.99
  • One Year ALL ACCESSJust $30!   Best Deal!
    Print Magazine + Digital Edition + Subscriber-only Content on TIME.com

Learn more about the benefits of being a TIME subscriber

If you are already a subscriber sign up — registration is free!