The gnome of Old Nassau is aggrieved. A student named Matthew Eastwick has thrown an errant pass, bouncing a basketball off another student's ankle. Knowing that Eastwick had scored perfect 800s on his College Board entrance tests merely compounds the gravity of this sin in the gnome's considered opinion. He dances past the offender, arms flapping, and plants the lance. "Eastie, Eastie," he rasps, in a voice that is part James Cagney, part Peter Lorre, part Bethlehem, Pa., "didja get someone else to take your College Boards for ya? Didja?" Eastwick stands transfixed, while his tormentor teeters (Could this be?) on...
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