Modern Living: Frozen Assets

Some bank. The bankbook is called The Semen Depositor's Handbook. Along with it comes a brown glass bottle, for deposits. "No appointment is necessary," says the handbook, adding, in capital letters, that "IT IS IMPORTANT THAT THE EJACULATE SHOULD NOT BE OVER TWO HOURS OLD." Home collection, the booklet notes, is preferred, but the bank also maintains its own ejaculatorium in Manhattan (with, as Executive Vice President Dr. Jerome A. Silbert notes, "various levels of erotica to assist"). What do the bankers do with the deposits? They freeze them. Frozen assets, as it were.

Frozen sperm have been used on a limited...

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