People: Wizards

The road to wisdom and happiness began to look like a greased slide.

From Harvard's ever-ready Anthropologist Earnest A. Hooton (Why Men Behave Like Apes and Vice Versa), the girls learned how to pick a good husband. Thin men, the professor warned, are apt to be mumblers who hate people and tire easily. Two-fisted Atlases stamp around the house complaining about the lack of exercise; besides, they grow old young. The best husband—a nice, sociable type who appreciates the comforts of home—is the fat man, or "butterball type."

From equally ever-ready Psychologist James F. Bender, the men learned how to hang on to...

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