"Got as far as first year in Wiilkes-Barre High School. Flopped.
"Three years at Notre Dame University, mostly managing football team. Flopped.
"Four years an art student in Philadelphia, devoting most of the time to studies of esthetic anatomy at Trocadero Burlesque Theatre.
"Commercial illustrator in New York for four years, drawing full-length portraits of vacuum cleaners and canned soup.
"Reporter, New York Morning Sun for 14 years, 13 of which were spent in Jack's restaurant.
"Had two plays, The Head of the House and A Certain Party produced on Broadway. Both terrible flops.