Had they been interviewed, some people who figured in last week's news might have related certain of their doings as follows:
Sir Austen Chamberlain, British Foreign Secretary: "My penchant for a haughty monocle having been internationally remarked, I was welcomed to. Glasgow University last week by 5,000 students all be-monocled. Undismayed, I only 'screwed' my monocle the tighter into its eye socket, and was installed, amid acclaim as Lord Rector of Glasgow University. I am said to be one of the few Englishmen who can perform the 'impossible' feat of tossing my monocle into...
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