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From the Keyboards of Stars
Satisfying both the fan's appetite for arcana and the entertainer's need for self-promotion, the blog — or Web log, to the uninitiated — may just be the ideal medium for celebrity communication. A handy guide to some high-profile online typists:

Zach Braff

THE VIBE: Scrubs' cutie pie ruminates on everyday tasks like washing his car and outfitting his dog. His "Inexcusable Shameless Plug" warnings win our forgiveness for the icky p.r. bits. RATING **

Margaret Cho

THE VIBE: With the bile of her stand-up but not the laughs, the site has earnest musings ("I am a painfully shy person") and screeds instead of jokes. Just for Cho diehards. RATING *


THE VIBE: The bald technorocker wins style points for a spare design and chatty postings. On seeing his yearbook picture, Moby gets nostalgic for "my spikey little hair." RATING ***

Quentin Tarantino

THE VIBE: Funny and frank (John Travolta is too "old and overweight" for a Pulp Fiction prequel), this director's diary is a hoax. But it's so clever even his publicist approves. RATING ****

Get Back, Cranky Cat
ELTON JOHN is starting to remind us of that curmudgeonly relative who blurts out what everyone else is really thinking at the family reunion. While accepting a songwriting award in London last week, the elder rocker, 57, griped that he couldn't believe Madonna had been nominated for best live act. "Since when has lip synching been live?" John asked. "Madonna, best [expletive] live act? [Expletive] off." Last month John called a group of Taiwanese paparazzi who ambushed him "rude, vile pigs." And last spring he called the reality show American Idol "racist" after two black contestants were eliminated. The Rocket Man's recent sounding off could be a publicity stunt, or his cheekiness magnified by age and wealth — or an audition for Andy Rooney's spot on 60 Minutes.

Tiger Tied
Finally, a plausible explanation for TIGER WOODS' recent subpar game: the former No. 1 golfer, now ranked third, was busy playing wedding planner. Woods, 28, married his Swedish sweetie, ELIN NORDEGREN, 24, last week at a swank and secluded Barbados resort. As bridesmaids in seafoam green dresses and guests Michael Jordan and Charles Barkley looked on, the couple said, "I do," amid armed guards and thousands of roses. To start their honeymoon, the duo boarded a yacht called Privacy. We assume the Leave Us the Heck Alone cruiser was booked.