People

Play, Boys!
Let's face it. No man called Alfie would ever make it with the ladies unless he bore an uncanny resemblance to JUDE LAW. In the upcoming remake of the 1966 classic, Law, left, plays the title role, while former Eurythmic DAVE STEWART, center, and MICK JAGGER provide the film's music. Law dropped in on a recording session, perhaps to swap Lothario tips with Jagger, who said recently that playboys, sadly, no longer exist: "Any resemblance between my life and a playboy's is purely coincidental."

Do You Think They Just Got Sick of the Blond Jokes?
? Talk about flip-flopping. Some of Hollywood's most recognizable towheads have gone pitch dark

Longtime blond SARAH JESSICA PARKER flirted awhile with dark roots but appears to have committed to chestnut brown all over.

CHARLIZE THERON went brunet for the action flick Aeon Flux. Almost as painfully, she hurt her neck doing stunts in Berlin.

Newlywed BRITNEY SPEARS dyed her hair back to its natural color, saying she wanted to be different from all the other blonds. Oops.

RENEE ZELLWEGER is hoping to play Janis Joplin in a new biopic. All she needs now is granny glasses and a bad habit.

REESE WITHERSPOON darkened her locks and went legally bland to play June Carter Cash. Unexpected side effect: total anonymity.

Next Time, Send Ashton Kutcher
Residents of Riverside, Iowa, hold an annual Trek Fest and call their town (pop. 928) the "future birthplace of Captain James T. Kirk." So how's this for irony: it was WILLIAM SHATNER who made them look foolish. For a new reality show called Invasion Iowa, scheduled to air on Spike TV in February, executive producers Paul Wernick and Rhett Reese (the team responsible for Joe Schmo) asked Shatner to move into Riverside with a fake entourage and crew and pretend to shoot a sci-fi movie. Townsfolk were hired for the bogus production. Throughout the eight-day shoot, Shatner played an increasingly absurd, over-the-top version of himself. "The last thing we set out to do was make fun of small-town America," says Wernick. "The thing we actually set out to do was make fun of Hollywood." That would explain the kleptomaniac tendencies of one of Shatner's sham-movie co-stars. Says Wernick: "That was our little shout-out to Winona Ryder." We'd wager that she isn't laughing either.

Q&A; with Mo Rocca
Today show contributor and former Daily Show correspondent Mo Rocca has written a satirical political thriller, All the Presidents' Pets.

Does this book have a moral?

This book has no morals, and I'll go even further: this book has no ideas.

Who polls better Bush's Scottish terrier, Barney, or Kerry's German shepherd?

German shepherds were the fourth most popular breed last year. The Scottish terrier is the 44th most popular breed, not that the popular vote really matters. The Scottie is a low-to-the-ground, very tenacious, impulsive dog. It tends to urinate on itself uncontrollably. But Kerry's dog Kim is problematic. The German shepherd can be aloof. It's not very fast acting.

I've heard you called a fundit. Is that an apt description of what you do?

Yes. Although I'm tempted to spell it P-H-U-N. And as anyone who knows me knows, all I've ever wanted to do is dancesomething Appalachian, heavy on the heels.

What basic-cable network haven't you been on?

I've been on Telemundo 'cause I'm half Colombian. I have not been on BET, but that's just because I'm especially pale right now. Cable is like commercial theater used to be. It has become the proving grounds.

Do you think the youth vote will be significant in the election?

I want to start my own get-out-the-vote drive called Rocca the Vote. It's gonna be to rally Hollywood celebrities and musicians. I'm concerned that they're being so generous with their time that they might forget to register.