Letters

How Your Love Life Keeps You Healthy

"My husband perked right up when he saw your cover story! Know what I told him? 'Not tonight, honey. I have a Viagraine headache."
JEANIE ROBBINS
Kankakee, Ill.

LATEST COVER STORY
Mind & Body Happiness
Jan. 17, 2004

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Your special issue "How Your Love Life Keeps You Healthy" was wonderful [Jan. 19]. My husband and I will have been married 50 years in June. He is 71, and I am 68. We still love each other as we did the day we married. Sure, we have disagreements, but what married couple does not? Our sex life is just as good as or better than when we were 30. No, he isn't on Viagra. He works 32 hours a week. I exercise. We golf, dance and are active all the time. There is nothing like love to keep you healthy.
JO BOEVER
Parrish, Fla.

Your story on couples therapy overlooked a key reason for the high U.S. divorce rate: many husbands and wives wind up not really liking each other because they wed almost entirely for sex or out of loneliness or both. The simple secret to a good marriage is to marry someone who is a close and true friend whom you trust and respect and who has similar tastes and values. Then be a kind, considerate and courteous spouse who listens. True friends can usually work out any problems, including sexual ones.
WILLIAM LLOYD STEARMAN
North Bethesda, Md.

When I received the issue with the steamy cover, I thought some women's magazine had been delivered to my address by mistake. Then I realized it was TIME. Do we really need one more magazine cover story about sex hitting us like a ton of bricks? Get back to real news!
GRACE HAMPTON
Burbank, Calif.

In "The Chemistry Of Desire," your descriptions of female sexuality were dated. You quoted Dr. Jennifer Berman, director of the Female Sexual Medicine Center at UCLA, as saying, "Women experience desire as a result of context how they feel about themselves and their partner, how safe they feel, their closeness and their attachment." That view is based on 1950s-style ideology. There are many ways young women today can pursue pleasure, and one of them is the classic one-night stand.
IRENE DRATVER
Glendale, Calif.

Thank you for Joel Stein's story "Spicing It Up," on how couples can improve their sex lives by using sex toys or taking part in a threesome. It was nice to read an article that dealt bravely and honestly with such an exciting yet potentially hazardous subject. I think Stein's wit and his criticism that "our society has a long way to go before it will be able to confront sexuality seriously"--were well placed.
CHRISTOPHER DRINKUT
Clarksville, Tenn.

You should have explored in layman's terms how the brain is our most powerful sexual organ. Long after Viagra or Levitra has quit working, the brain will keep on creating visions of ecstasy and generating fantasies we cherish, nurture and share with our partners.
LUIS ZALAMEA
Miami

I appreciated the wonderful article "Bondage Unbound," on sadomasochistic sex. As a bondage-discipline-sadomasochism (BDSM) activist like those referred to in your story, I give TIME high praise for its unbiased presentation. I especially appreciated your reporting that people lose jobs and child custody for being involved in BDSM. I had to affirm in a custody hearing in court that what I do in my bedroom behind closed doors does not affect my ability to be a good parent. I was fortunate that my battle took place in the Bay Area of California, but others are not so lucky. Articles such as yours may help keep other custody battles or job losses from occurring in the future. I thank you for that.
NAME WITHHELD BY REQUEST
Concord, Calif.

People have had sex since the beginning of time. Naughty sex (giggle, giggle) is probably nearly as old. Yes, porn turns people on, horniness can be measured on brain scans, sexual urges are biological, and even the elderly like sex. Surely none of this is news to anyone. What were you thinking? That you can print the word dildo in a national newsmagazine today does not necessarily mean you should.
MELISSA PAYK
Saginaw, Mich.

The pervasive obsession with sex is creating an unwholesome society in which it is impossible to raise children who are healthy emotionally, socially, spiritually and, yes, sexually. I have been waiting for a special issue on how America's trash culture is destroying the next generation, our children. Perhaps it is too late for that, as it seems parents have condoned and normalized lust, greed, infidelity, gore, violence, perversion and all kinds of addictions. When I hear that it is up to parents to protect their kids, I laugh at the impossibility of that happening in a culture whose every media source is replete with vulgarity, suggestive images, sex and violence.
MARY ANN SEMENTELLI
Webster, N.Y.

Out of the Mouth of Dean

RE Joe Klein's column "Will The Real Howard Dean Please Stand Up?" [Jan. 19]: I enjoy Dean's antics. It's rare that we have a candidate for President who says what he really means. Americans in the heartland of the country are sick and tired of Washington's Beltwayspeak. Dean addresses issues like health care and aid for higher education. He is a bright light in an otherwise dim slate of candidates. And by the way, not all of Dean's supporters are young. I am a 63year-old grandmother who has given money to a candidate for the very first time.
MARIAN KUNETKA
Fayetteville, Ark.