People

By Lev Grossman Sunday, Aug. 10, 2003
    • CHAT'S ENTERTAINMENT
    Suddenly everybody in Hollywood is working on a talk show. Even Orlando Jones — the 7 Up guy! Do these stars have what it takes?

    THE STAR Jennifer Lopez

    WHY HER? Actually, her sister Lynda will do most of the hosting, with J. Lo making cameos

    CHAT CHANCE It's so crazy, it just might work. Think of it as The View, but with bling

    THE STAR Ellen DeGeneres

    WHY HER? She's smart and funny. But sponsors may not want a Gay Leno

    CHAT CHANCE It's currently hip to be queer, and before she came out, she did play straight

    THE STAR Britney Spears

    WHY HER? She has a bubbly personality and plenty of fans. Ooh, and a midriff

    CHAT CHANCE Oops. She'll be racing Chevy Chase for the land speed cancellation record

    THE STAR Sharon Osbourne

    WHY HER? She's tough, and she speaks her mind

    CHAT CHANCE Unlikely, but hey — she survived cancer. And Ozzy

    Twilight of the Idol
    Oh, where did it all go wrong? A few weeks ago supersize American Idol champ RUBEN STUDDARD was living large. The man had his own teddy bear! But soon runner-up Clay Aiken's single started outpacing Studdard's on the charts, and now the portly pop star is getting into it with 205 Flava, makers of his signature shirts. Studdard sued the company for using his image to sell clothes, but 205 (it's the area code for Birmingham, Ala., Studdard's hometown) promptly dialed it up a notch, claiming that it paid Studdard to wear its clothes on TV — a violation of Idol rules. It's almost enough to make you miss Justin Guarini. Almost.

    FIRST LOOK
    I'M SURE I PARKED HERE SOMEWHERE

    This much we know about enigmatic auteur Tim Burton's movie Big Fish, which opens Thanksgiving weekend: it contains a car, a tree and EWAN MCGREGOR. The plot revolves around an old man (Albert Finney) who tells tall tales about himself as a younger man (that would be McGregor), but little else is clear. Is it a fairy tale? "I always like a mixture of all of those elements — funny, sad, real, unreal, all together," says Burton. "I find that's the most accurate description of how I feel every day." Fair enough. So is it a comedy? "I prefer not to say, just in case it's not funny. Then you can say it's a drama."