Q. Could we become really good friends and call each other all the time and have inside jokes and stuff?
A. If you trash me in the article, that would probably put the odds against it.
Q. What kind of adjectives might engender friendship?
A. If every once in a while the word genius could just pop in. Not that I am one, but that it's hovering around me.
Q. Do you ever go back and watch Better Off Dead?
A. No. Do you go back and read stuff you wrote when you were 18?
Q. I do. It makes me giggle. But I'm really narcissistic.
A. I'd like to see you giggle.
Q. I'll be giggling like a little kid when this is over. Did you worry when addressing the camera for the 40th time that the new movie was too Saved by the Bell?
A. So far people have been liking it. I don't know about the people from TIME.
Q. That wouldn't be me. If you get a bad review, it shouldn't hurt our friendship.
A. It will. Your posse strikes at me, it was you. Somebody from another crew never hits a made man unless the don says to.
Q. I'm the don?
A. Aren't you? The young, hip, cutting-edge, counterculture-but-inside-the-Establishment, Trojan-horse guy.
Q. This friendship thing is going great. You optioned a book about a guy who gets away with stealing $20 million. Is it about Kevin Costner?
A. It's about a guy named Bobby Comfort who robbed the Pierre Hotel.
Q. You can option one of my articles.
A. Maybe I'll option the article on me, and it will be about our friendship after I read the article. It could turn out to be tragedy, or it could be wonderful. It all depends on what you write.
Q. It could be called Total Genius.