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There were other differences between the two plans. Platinums got house calls, 20% off on Botox, a complimentary session with a fitness trainer and "prompt telephone feedback with test results by [the doctor] herself."
Presumably the Golds, with only $5,000 extra to spend, would be called by whoever--whenever they got around to it.
Both plans, however, were eligible for "fast and easy prescription renewals" and "a dedicated support staff." All of which I seem to recall were always an expected part of going to a regular doctor. The letter contained no information regarding the availability of complimentary lollipops.
In its new capacity as a concierge service, my doctor's website claims, her practice will traverse a medical high wire reaching from "congestive heart failure" to "muffin top."
It's all making me rather nostalgic for the good old days of 2012--when I naively assumed doctors took the Hippocratic oath seriously. That oath ends, "May I long experience the joy of healing those who seek my help."
If this concierge trend continues, perhaps they'll update it to include "and for an extra $10,000, I will LIKE your rash on my fan page."
Markoe won multiple Emmy Awards as a writer for Late Night With David Letterman. Her most recent book is Cool, Calm & Contentious.