My Doctor, the Concierge

Forget the Hippocratic oath--welcome to a world of Gold and Platinum patients

By MERRILL MARKOE Thursday, Feb. 06, 2014
    • Getty Images

    Patients who pay an extra $5,000 a year can reach the doctor via office phone and email, but their return call is from the support staff. Patients who pay $10,000 per year may also reach the doctor via texting, Skype, Facetime and Google Hangout, and feedback is from the doctor, who will also make house calls.

    (2 of 2)

    There were other differences between the two plans. Platinums got house calls, 20% off on Botox, a complimentary session with a fitness trainer and "prompt telephone feedback with test results by [the doctor] herself."

    Presumably the Golds, with only $5,000 extra to spend, would be called by whoever--whenever they got around to it.

    Both plans, however, were eligible for "fast and easy prescription renewals" and "a dedicated support staff." All of which I seem to recall were always an expected part of going to a regular doctor. The letter contained no information regarding the availability of complimentary lollipops.

    In its new capacity as a concierge service, my doctor's website claims, her practice will traverse a medical high wire reaching from "congestive heart failure" to "muffin top."

    It's all making me rather nostalgic for the good old days of 2012--when I naively assumed doctors took the Hippocratic oath seriously. That oath ends, "May I long experience the joy of healing those who seek my help."

    If this concierge trend continues, perhaps they'll update it to include "and for an extra $10,000, I will LIKE your rash on my fan page."

    Markoe won multiple Emmy Awards as a writer for Late Night With David Letterman. Her most recent book is Cool, Calm & Contentious.

    3. 1
    4. 2
    5. Next Page