Shut Up and Fly

Cellphone calls may be coming to airline flights. There's just one problem: the passengers

By MERRILL MARKOE Monday, Dec. 09, 2013
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    Now what recourse does the besieged traveler have--aside from seeking revenge through mile-high karaoke?

    Meanwhile, there is even more to fear because the young people who no longer talk on their phones are texting constantly as they search for more status updates to post somewhere. Heaven forbid you should fall asleep with your mouth hanging open or your hair sticking up in an unacceptable configuration. Next thing you know, you are being ridiculed on hundreds or thousands of tiny screens, depending on the social-media clout the young phone owner in question wields. Suddenly your picture is being forwarded on Twitter or Instagram emblazoned with the legend "WTF?????? Gross ..." Probably something much worse.

    Of course, the counterargument will be made that people need their phones now. They can no longer be expected to exist for hours without them.

    That is why, if we have to sanction disagreeable behavior, I suggest a return to the tried-and-true compulsions of yesteryear, a time when people knew what to do with their hands and their lips besides talk. Because at least when you're coping with in-flight smokers, it's still possible to hear yourself think.

    Markoe won multiple Emmy Awards as a writer for Late Night With David Letterman. Her most recent book is Cool, Calm & Contentious.

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