Joel Stein: 'Til Mold Do Us Part

A new study discrediting food sell-by dates is going to save my marriage

Illustration by Tomasz Walenta for TIME

You make a lot of compromises in a marriage, such as being married. We permit behavior from our spouses that we wouldn't tolerate from anyone else, such as throwing out our food. Doing this just one time to a co-worker causes a barrage of Post-it notes more vitriolic than anything Tupac would have stuck inside Biggie's fridge. Like "To the thief who ate half of my tuna sandwich: I have mouth herpes. Now you do too. I'm anonymously e-mailing your wife to warn her about your mouth herpes. And your tuna breath."

But when my lovely wife Cassandra dumps all the...

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