I Do What I'm Polled

Politicians use polls to advise them on policy. Why shouldn't I?

I am not a great decider in chief even though I have only one person to decide for. After college I sent a résumé to a magazine merely because I thought the editor was hot and wound up working for Martha Stewart for a year. I once dated a girl because five minutes into my conversation with her, a pet rat emerged from her bosom. Now my make-out résumé has an entry I remember only as Rat Girl. Also, whenever I get sick, I worry it's bubonic plague.

So I crowdsource as much of my life as possible. My lovely wife...

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