I Do What I'm Polled

Politicians use polls to advise them on policy. Why shouldn't I?

I am not a great decider in chief even though I have only one person to decide for. After college I sent a résumé to a magazine merely because I thought the editor was hot and wound up working for Martha Stewart for a year. I once dated a girl because five minutes into my conversation with her, a pet rat emerged from her bosom. Now my make-out résumé has an entry I remember only as Rat Girl. Also, whenever I get sick, I worry it's bubonic plague.

So I crowdsource as much of my life as possible. My lovely wife...

Want the full story?

Subscribe Now


Get TIME the way you want it

  • One Week Digital Pass — $4.99
  • Monthly Pay-As-You-Go DIGITAL ACCESS$2.99
  • One Year ALL ACCESSJust $30!   Best Deal!
    Print Magazine + Digital Edition + Subscriber-only Content on TIME.com

Learn more about the benefits of being a TIME subscriber

If you are already a subscriber sign up — registration is free!