Platform Drive

Who better than me to punch up the Democratic Party platform?

Vikki Hart/Getty Images

Part of being a writer is creating work no one will ever read. I've written columns that editors scrapped, sitcom scripts that never got shot and articles that ran in Playboy. But of all the stuff that no one reads, the one thing I've always longed to write is a party platform. Every four years, each political party presents its platform--a nonbinding list of the positions the party is taking on the most important issues--at the convention. If I wrote one, it would greatly diversify my rsum, which is a little heavy on columns full of penis jokes and light on...

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