Trophies, scrolls, statuettes this time of year, actors get 'em by the zillions, like valet-parking stubs. In the thick of awards season, TIME asked 13 artists to sit for photographer Sebastian Kim and confide in Joel Stein. Though some of our laureates are not Oscar nominated, all are our Great Performers. Yes, you too, Uggie.
What do you give the man who has everything? Maybe an Academy Award for Best Actor, as a bookend to his Supporting Actor Oscar for Syriana six years ago. And how do you deflate the preternaturally affable Mr. C? Tell him...