I Hope I Die Before I Have to Live with Old People

In retirement, boomers are just as annoying as they were in their 20s

Illustration by Tomasz Walenta for TIME

Joel Stein

I've spent the past 10 years preparing to be an intolerable old person. I've been learning about wine, classical music and Samuel Johnson. I plan to one day drop this knowledge on an over-55 community in Palm Springs, Calif., where I can drive drunk on my golf cart with my like-aged friends, re-creating my college life. Only this time I'll have physiology for an excuse as to why I'm not having sex.

Then I learned, to my surprise, that not all old people get along. I'd foolishly assumed old people were all the same: kind of cranky, a little confused, not...

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