Zach Galifianakis Hates to Be Loved

That's one of the many reasons people love the fame-averse scene stealer of the Hangover movies

By Joel Stein Thursday, May 19, 2011
    • Warner Bros.

    Zach Galifianakis in The Hangover Part II

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    Ron Howard, who is also being interviewed for the IFC show, introduces himself to Galifianakis during a break. "It's no Between Two Ferns ," Howard says. Galifianakis shakes his hand, looks around and says, "Who do I see about getting paid?" Afterward, a photographer shoots a promotional portrait, and Galifianakis apologizes for being unable to fake a smile — something he's never been able to master. "I can't do it," he says. "It breaks my heart."

    When we arrive at Pizzeria Mozza, Galifianakis points across the street at a mechanic's shop. He lived there too. In an Audi. He talked the mechanic into letting him sleep in it. After lunch, on the way to do another favor — appearing on two comedian friends' podcast — he drives by an obese man in a wheelchair. "There's my trainer," Galifianakis says. "Oh, that's terrible. It's really a joke about me. I'm out of shape. I try to justify it! My cousin is a quadriplegic. I try to justify it every which way." It's the first time I've heard him feel bad about something he's said.

    Galifianakis can make offensive jokes because he's very secure in his beliefs. He made 1,500 bumper stickers that say "No Chain Stores in Venice" because Venice is cool and chain stores are not. He lit up a prop joint on Real Time with Bill Maher to show support for legalization of marijuana. He won't confirm it was him, but at least one person in the Hangover Part II cast fought to kick out Mel Gibson, who was supposed to have a cameo, after recordings leaked of his racist, abusive tirades.

    "I feel that Zach knows how to handle things correctly in life," says Jason Schwartzman, who stars in Bored to Death . "If a bunch of people were trying to kick our ass or we were lost in another country, he would get us out of that situation. He has an understanding of people, and he's moral." Not once, Galifianakis says, was he tempted in school to go down to the dam by the lake where the bad kids hung out. Not once.

    There are a few hours before Galifianakis has to be at the Upright Citizens Brigade (UCB) theater to do a favor for his comedian friend Brody Stevens. The theater is within walking distance of my house, so he asks if he can come over. We stop by a 7-Eleven, where he buys a tin of Kodiak tobacco, and the guy behind the counter doesn't recognize him even though his face is on all the Super Big Gulp collectible cups promoting Hangover Part II . At my house, we sit on the deck drinking white wine while he dips and spits into a Thai seltzer bottle. While my 2-year-old son Laszlo has never seen The Hangover , somehow he knows that Galifianakis is funnier than anyone else he's ever met. When the force of Laszlo's high five causes Galifianakis to hit himself in the face, Laszlo laughs uncontrollably. When Galifianakis does a perfect impersonation of Laszlo's sneeze, he loses it. I am very sad that Laszlo is too big to wear one of the 500 onesies with Galifianakis' face printed on them. He had them made because "it's funny to have a guy that looks like a rapist on a onesie."

    By the time we reach the UCB theater, Stevens is nervously pacing backstage. Galifianakis is obsessed with Stevens — maybe because he does what Galifianakis does, only without the polished jokes and happy child eyes. A former minor-league baseball player, Stevens performs with a tambourine, anger, cadence and non sequiturs. After Stevens starts his act, Galifianakis stays backstage, talking to Dave Foley (of the sketch troupe the Kids in the Hall) and drinking a marijuana tincture from an eyedropper. Jon Hamm, star of Mad Men , is there too. Stevens gets the audience to chant Galifianakis' name, so Galifianakis goes onstage, tells two new jokes and then drags some poor guy named Jake up from the audience and picks on him for being heavy. "I met Jake at World's Strongest Toilets," he says. Jake giggles a lot, because being insulted by Zach Galifianakis is an honor. He's the new Don Rickles.

    Out on the sidewalk after the show, a big guy in his 20s asks Galifianakis to say something into his video camera. Galifianakis says no. The guy gets in his face and says he owes it to him as a fan. Galifianakis tells him to go away in a manner that makes him go away. We walk three doors down to La Poubelle, a French joint near the UCB theater, where Hamm buys drinks and kneels in front of Galifianakis' chair, trying to get his attention. Hamm has been going to see him perform at the music and comedy club Largo for nine years and says his success lies in his fearlessness. "He's the best kind of comic, who makes you just uncomfortable enough to wonder why you're laughing," Hamm says. "That's the role of comics in our society — to call out the weirdness and make you think about it."

    It's hard to do that, though, when everyone just wants you to do the lines from The Hangover that are printed on the back of their "One Man Wolfpack" T-shirts. So Galifianakis is trying to figure out what he wants to do next. "He's a deep one," says stand-up Patton Oswalt. "In this business, once you get hot, it's, Don't stop! Don't pause to think! Just do it! Boom, boom, boom! And he's like, I'd like to pause and think about this."

    Galifianakis has some movie offers, but he doesn't want to do any of them just for a nicer Subaru: "I would have changed my last name if being famous were my goal." He says he has no idea what's funny anymore. His dream project would be a TV show on which he goes around the world learning what is funny in each culture. "I don't think sarcasm worked at all in Thailand," he says. "Fart jokes are probably funny. Falling down is funny." Being famous, not so much.

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