Joel Stein: Does My Son Take After Me — or His Mom? A Genetic Test

A spit test tells us whose genes prevailed in our son's DNA. Too bad there's no gene for awesomeness

Illustration by John Ueland for TIME

The most important battle of anyone's life is when sperm meets egg. It's Darwin at its most elemental, your genes vs. hers. One person goes on to the next round of the species, and the other goes to the grave a loser for all eternity. This is why sex is practiced in the style it often is.

It did not look good for me when our son Laszlo came from the womb all blond, blue-eyed and generally un-Jewy. In an earlier century, I would have had no choice but to trick my wife Cassandra into a best-of-three contest using a method...

Want the full story?

Subscribe Now


Learn more about the benefits of being a TIME subscriber

If you are already a subscriber sign up — registration is free!