Call Me! But Not on Skype or Any Other Videophone

But please, not by videophone. On second thought, if you could just send me a text, that would be great

Illustration by John Ueland for TIME

I figured that when 2010 finally arrived, I'd be here in Los Angeles on my videophone looking at my new editor in her formfitting silver bodysuit as she yelled at me from New York for sexually harassing her in the first sentence of the first column we worked on together. But even though we both have Skype, we haven't used it once. In fact, even though Skype is the only one of all the cool gadgets that cartoons promised me would exist by 2010, people don't seem nearly as excited as they should be. Only 34% of Skype calls even use...

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