Good morning, graduates, and congratulations. It's hard to believe how far you've come since freshman orientation, when you didn't even know the difference between the historical tyranny of patriarchal norms and the tyrannical patriarchy of normative historicity. [Pause for knowing laughter.] We hope these four years have been not just enlightening but also joyful, invigorating, even--dare we say--as lusty as a May meadow. Because, baby, the party's over. [Pause for rueful laughter.]
We've got good news and bad news, graduates. Remember back in 1991, when you were about 4 years old and your parents were driving you from Montessori to tot-aerobics...
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