Moving On Up: The Senate Shifts Offices

When the Senate shifts offices, someone needs to carry all that valuable stuff. Not me — but someone

Illustration by John Ueland for TIME

The Senate is in the midst of a terrible crisis, and I'm here to help. First of all, there's the minifridge. Is this caramel? Moose blood? I have no idea. But when I miraculously scrub it clean, all Senator Jon Tester notices is the Heineken minikeg in the garbage. In Montana, he explains, you don't throw away beer, even on office-moving day. In New Jersey, I tell him, you get pizza and beer when you help someone move. In Montana, I learn, people don't take obvious hints.

No governing body does insane rituals like the Senate--with its handleless gavel, seersucker-suit day...

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