JEFF PROBST to host reality show starring terminally ill people. Because being on a crappy TV show is totally the way to go out
SCARLETT JOHANSSON to host Nobel Prize concert. Finally, she'll be the most attractive person in the room
NEEL KASHKARI oversees $700 billion U.S. bailout plan, still embarrassed by Rush quotes on high school yearbook page
Nicolas Sarkozy threatens to sue maker of VOODOO DOLL; doesn't realize it's just his arm falling asleep
Sarah Palin's fame skips action-figure stage, goes straight to TALES FROM THE CRYPT covers
LITTLE BIG PLANET video game pulled because of musical passages...