Donor to Order

Once Danielle Odom decided to have a child on her own three years ago, she had to grapple with the unusual logistics her situation posed. After deciding that a sperm donation from a close, married male friend did not feel right, the 33-year-old hospital administrator from Georgetown, Texas, began to imagine her ideal donor in the parlance of personal ads: "Single white female seeks intelligent, sensitive, funny man, preferably tall, with above-average IQ, for insemination--with no strings attached."

She wasn't far off base. A sperm bank in California was offering online "catalogs" of donors with such details as sat scores, college degrees and medical history. Within a month, Odom was inseminated and later had twins, Camila and Gabriel. "I was looking for this dream man," she says. "And at the bank, I could pick him. Anything I wanted--ideal traits, whatever--there was a myriad of choices."

Not long ago, sperm-bank customers had no such choices, and many preferred to know as little as possible about their "mates." But as the clientele has shifted--fewer married couples, more lesbian couples and single women--the nation's 100-odd sperm banks have changed the way they do business. Many of these women want as much information as possible about their children's provenance, so they can pass it on to them later. "It's become very consumer driven and competitive in the past 10 years particularly, as women have rightfully taken over the position of selecting their donors," says Dr. Charles Sims, medical director of California Cryobank, the largest sperm bank in the country. "In the past, the primary concern was safety. [But now] it's not just 'I want a healthy baby' but 'What sort of human being is this donor?'"

In fact, Mr. Genetic Right comes in all sizes, colors, styles and attitudes. In addition to the basics--hair and eye color, weight and race--extensive "donor profiles" may provide essays from a donor to future offspring and denote such details as religion, blood type, favorite foods, hobbies, colors, whether the donor has successfully got anyone pregnant, which film actor the donor resembles, how optimistic his grandparents were and a family medical history going back three generations.

Some banks offer audiotapes of donors and photo matching--a process by which the bank will find a donor who resembles a photo, often of a partner, submitted by the client. Xytex Corp. of Augusta, Ga., goes so far as to offer adult photos and even videos of willing donors. "We shoot them in the clinic in an interview format and also get them in their own environment, with a favorite instrument, say, or just walking in the park," says p.r. director David Towles. Xytex is one of the few that offer so-called identity-release donors, men who agree to allow the child to contact them by obtaining information from the bank after age 18--an increasingly important provision for many women.

Uncertainties surrounding anonymous donors lead many sperm-bank clients first to seek out a "known donor": the best male friend from high school with the great IQ, say, or the married friend (as David Crosby is to Melissa Etheridge and ex-partner Julie Cypher), with kids of his own. But potential emotional and legal complications can make this approach feel too risky. Using a sperm bank offers more control. "I had one friend who was always whispering his sat score and IQ in my ear," says Chicagoan Laura Rissover, 35. "But in the end, it was very important for us to define our own family." Rissover and her partner Cathy Plotke each carried a child with the same donor from California Cryobank.

In fact, sperm-bank clients often know more about their donor's genetic and medical history than they might about any men with whom they choose to procreate. Regulations vary according to state law and individual bank policies. (The fda will begin regulating sperm banks in 2003.) But after medical screening and personal interviews, on average only about 4% of willing donors are accepted into programs, where they typically stay for one to two years. Most are between 18 and 40; more than half are students. And their reasons for staying go well beyond the average $75 per specimen.

"Money may be a part of the appeal at first," says Eric, 30, a married engineer and three-year Xytex donor who was deeply affected by a close friend who could not conceive. But Xytex "requires so much time and commitment from you that if you don't have another reason for being here, you don't stick it out."