Cristina, a young American abroad--and as incarnated by Scarlett Johansson, a great American broad--is all set to fall into the bed of her wished-for Latin lover, Juan Antonio (Javier Bardem). He wants to seduce her gently, but she can hear her erotic meter running. "If you don't start undressing me soon," she says, "this is going to turn into a panel discussion."
That's about the only joke in Vicky Cristina Barcelona, Woody Allen's very pretty romantic comedy. Allen is long past peppering his scripts with killer aphorisms. Why should his characters crack wise, he thinks, when their antics and anxieties are...