Q: So, are you dating some model?
A: Oh, yeah. Ivanka Trump.
Q: She's like 12, isn't she?
A: Yeah, but she's very mature. I don't know if you've ever really talked to her, but she's very Dawson's Creek. No, my girlfriend is going back to school, actually. We've been together for 3 1/2 years.
Q: This is a bad time to have a girlfriend. Your stock is going up.
A: You think? I checked my rotisserie standings. I still look like a utility player.
Q: How do you compare to Larry King?
A: Nobody scores more points than King. The only one who can challenge him is Al Roker, only because he scores in so many categories. If Roker ever puts out a music album, it's over.
Q: Why didn't you take over Larry Sanders?
A: That was just the plot line.
Q: But there was no reality to that?
A: Every now and again, we'd think, "What if we did do that?" You're in that After M*A*S*H scenario. Guys are in a meeting saying, "I think people would care about Radar and Klinger in Iowa." We saved ourselves from that.
Q: Your talk show was canceled by Paramount, the company that went on to distribute Desmond Pfeiffer and Homeboys in Outer Space. That's got to hurt.
A: No. It doesn't have to hurt. You're a bitter man for 27. I am shocked at your level of bitterness for 27.
Q: It's been tough.
A: I was going to say, it sounds like you've had a hard life: a suburban kid from Jersey. Who hurt you? Did Carson hurt you? Did Cavett say something mean? What happened to you, boy? Look, there's a kibbutz I know. Honestly. You'll get your head straight. Come on out there, knock down some halvah. You'll have yourself a time.