Though I had even higher aspirations, apparently my mom was so impressed with my graduation from sixth grade that she bought me a gift: an incredibly cool gold-chain necklace. The chain said to all who saw it, Sure, I may look like an honor student who is bad at sports and gets stomachaches before parties, but I am actually capable of horrific violence, passionate lovemaking and savage indifference to a tribe of orcs with my +2 broadsword. I wore that chain every day, from sixth grade to 17th grade, when my new girlfriend told me I had to take it off...
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