Punchlines: Oct. 2, 2006

"The President of Iran refused to attend a U.N. banquet because wine was being served. The Iranian President said he was afraid he'd get really drunk and say something pro-Semitic." CONAN O'BRIEN

"This is crazy. Police found a pound and a half of marijuana and psychedelic mushrooms in Willie Nelson's tour bus. Willie is nervous about this. He's afraid he may have to spend the rest of 1969 in jail." DAVID LETTERMAN

"The leader of Hizballah says he's throwing a victory party in honor of their 'victory' over Israel. Well, that should be fun--a party thrown by Muslim extremists. 'Turn...

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