"Several Democratic and Republican primaries were just held all across the country. It was evenly split between those who forgot to vote and those who chose not to vote." CONAN O'BRIEN
"It's Fashion Week here in New York City. I was walking through Central Park today on my lunch hour, and I saw an old lady tossing bread crumbs to the supermodels." DAVID LETTERMAN
"The Senate Intelligence Committee has released a report saying there's no evidence that Saddam Hussein had a relationship with al-Qaeda. Thank God we found that out now before we did something crazy." JAY LENO
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