Punchlines: Sep. 4, 2006

"The peace plan for Lebanon calls for 15,000 peacekeepers led by a sizable French contingent. Turns out in French, sizable translates as 200 guys in rubber dinghies. It's no great loss. Honestly, the difference between 200 French troops and 15,000 French troops is just fewer French prisoners." --STEPHEN COLBERT

"Here's big news: Tom Cruise, the biggest star in the world, has been terminated from his relationship with Paramount. Earlier today he called Brooke Shields to see if he could borrow some antidepressants." --DAVID LETTERMAN

"On the new season of Survivor, the four teams are a white team, a black team, a...

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