Punchlines: Jul. 31, 2006

"Americans stuck in Lebanon say they're frustrated because other countries seem to be evacuating their citizens faster. On the bright side, we're almost finished evacuating New Orleans."  --CONAN O'BRIEN

"President Bush says he's personally working on a solution to global warming. He says, Thanks to Republicans, soon every American will receive a voucher for a free Popsicle."  --JAY LENO

"I hope you've heard the great news, America. We are winning. Yesterday, the New York Times made an announcement. They're reducing the width of their newspaper by an inch and a half. That's an inch and a half less of state secrets...

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