Punchlines: Jul. 17, 2006

"A church in Memphis has erected a five-story Statue of Liberty, but instead of holding her torch, she's got a crucifix. That doesn't make any sense, but if a five-story vampire comes at these people, they are so covered." --BILL MAHER

"J.K. Rowling has vowed not to write any more Harry Potter books after the one she's working on now. So say goodbye, because one more novel, three more movies, four more video games, a few board games and a theme-park ride, and she's out." --DAVID SPADE

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