"Much of Washington is flooded. Several government agencies had to close down, including the Justice Department and the IRS ... FEMA headquarters floated away." JIMMY KIMMEL
"Star Jones Reynolds told the Daily News that she was told she was being let go from The View because her approval ratings had gone down. And President Bush said, 'They can fire you for that?'" JAY LENO
"Evidently there aren't enough flag burnings in the news now. Is there no one who loves our flag enough to burn one just to remind us how horrible it is?" STEPHEN COLBERT
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