"The Da Vinci Code in its first weekend made $77 million. It finished just behind a gas station in Queens." DAVID LETTERMAN
"A Senate committee approved a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage--apparently forgetting that our forefathers wore wigs and satin Capri pants." TINA FEY
"Louisiana Congressman William Jefferson was videotaped accepting a $100,000 bribe. FBI agents found $90,000 of it in his freezer. In Washington, that's known as a bribe-sicle." JAY LENO
"Yesterday Saddam Hussein's former adviser Tariq Aziz testified at Saddam's trial while wearing pajamas. Aziz said he was confused and thought he was testifying at the Michael Jackson trial."...