Punchlines: May 29, 2006

"Senator Hillary Clinton is being criticized because she recently called today's college kids lazy and uninformed. A spokesperson for college kids said: 'Whatever, lady from TV.'" CONAN O'BRIEN

"Yesterday the Tony Award nominations were announced and Oprah Winfrey's musical The Color Purple received 11 nominations. I was thrilled. I said, 'Great, nice to see things finally starting to go Oprah's way.'" DAVID LETTERMAN

"In the wake of reports that the NSA is monitoring phone records, Senator Arlen Specter, the Judiciary Committee chairman, said he would subpoena phone companies to appear before his committee. The phone companies said they would try to...

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