Punchlines: Apr. 17, 2006

"Happy 58th birthday to Al Gore. I don't want to say Al Gore is boring, but his party broke up before they finished singing the song Happy Birthday." JAY LENO

"David Hasselhoff's divorce has been getting ugly for weeks, and now he's claiming his wife needs psychiatric help. When asked for an example of why she needs help, Hasselhoff said, 'She married David Hasselhoff.'" CONAN O'BRIEN

"Today at a press conference, President Bush hinted that more personnel changes are coming. A lot of nervous people at the White House--earlier today Vice President Cheney signed up for Monster.com. JIMMY KIMMEL

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