Punchlines: Apr. 10, 2006

"Former Disney chairman Michael Eisner's talk show debuted on CNBC the other night. It got a zero rating. The show is called Conversations with Michael Eisner. Apparently it was a private conversation." --JAY LENO

"In Tennessee, the state prison system has banned large jars of peanut butter because inmates were hiding drugs in the jars. Which explains why prison peanut butter now comes in creamy, chunky and ecstasy." --CONAN O'BRIEN

"Today, in parts of the world, there was a total eclipse of the sun. President Bush said the total eclipse of the sun proves the unreliability of solar power." --DAVID LETTERMAN

...

Want the full story?

Subscribe Now

Subscribe
Subscribe

Get TIME the way you want it

  • One Week Digital Pass — $4.99
  • Monthly Pay-As-You-Go DIGITAL ACCESS$2.99
  • One Year ALL ACCESSJust $30!   Best Deal!
    Print Magazine + Digital Edition + Subscriber-only Content on TIME.com

Learn more about the benefits of being a TIME subscriber

If you are already a subscriber sign up — registration is free!