Punchlines: Apr. 3, 2006

"How many folks this morning watched the President's press conference? ... The rest of his term, he's committed to one thing: he's going to disarm Iran, he's going to disarm Korea and he's going to disarm Cheney." --DAVID LETTERMAN

"Donald and his wife Melania Trump gave birth this morning to a baby boy. They named him Barron William Rothschild Fabergé Egg Trump. Cute kid. He really takes after his father--barely a day old and he has already bankrupted two casinos."

--JIMMY KIMMEL

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