Punchlines: Feb. 13, 2006

"Earlier today, Judge Samuel Alito was confirmed as the United States' 110th Supreme Court Justice. President Bush congratulated Alito and said he hopes he gets along with the other 109 judges." --CONAN O'BRIEN

"Paleontologists discovered a crocodile that walked on two legs. See, Hanna-Barbera was right." --STEPHEN COLBERT

"EIGHTY PERCENT OF AL-QAEDA NO. 2'S NOW DEAD" --Fake news headline from THE ONION

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