"Have you noticed that Dick Cheney has been walking around with a cane lately? He said that he really didn't need the cane. He just liked the idea that a tree had to be cut down to make it." --JAY LENO
"The Alito hearings are so dull that that woman in Cincinnati who was dead in front of her TV for two years--she got up and turned them off." --DAVID LETTERMAN
"The guy who invented LSD celebrates his 100th birthday tomorrow. Yeah, he plans to spend the day surrounded by friends, family and a 9-ft.-tall unicorn." --CONAN O'BRIEN
"ESPN COURTS FEMALE...