Punchlines: Oct. 31, 2005

"In her new movie documentary, Madonna renounces the material world, saying we are enslaved by it and it will ultimately be our undoing. Madonna made this statement from her mansion in England." --JAY LENO

"The U.S. government announced it would not accept more than 300,000 meals donated to Hurricane Katrina victims by the British. A U.S. government spokesperson explained that the Katrina victims have suffered enough." --CONAN O'BRIEN

"Supreme Court nominee Harriet Miers steadfastly refuses to talk about herself, will not talk about herself, and I'm thinking to myself, Hell, where do you find a woman like that?" --DAVID LETTERMAN

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